“My mother is very beautiful. When she was young, she ran away with a foreign man. I was about five or six at the time.”

Zoe Young remembered that cold and indifferent woman in the big house, who didn’t seem to have anything to do with beauty.

“My father is very rich, but she didn’t like him. Everyone despised my mother, but I liked her a lot. She wasn’t a good woman—she married my father for money and status, but later she couldn’t stand it anymore. Still, when she left with the money, she did take me with her. She and that man treated me very well. They were interesting and knowledgeable. Even though everyone said they were bad people, I thought they were good.

“Maybe just because they were good to me.

“Then, according to the law of retribution, they died in a car accident.”

When Alan Carter said the words “died,” it really sounded like he was telling a story, even with a hint of mockery in his tone.

“It’s not that I wasn’t sad at the time, I was just too young.

“Later, I was brought back home. My father remarried. My stepmother was a good person too, she never interfered with me. Then I had a younger brother, and later I went to college and started working. My brother’s grades weren’t very good, and my usually indifferent stepmother suddenly developed a sense of crisis. After a few rather suggestive conversations, I told them I didn’t want the inheritance, I didn’t want anything… but just give me 200,000 yuan in one go—actually, should I have just left without taking a penny? Would that have been more dashing? But I still took a bit of money, I really wanted to go out and have fun, but the money I earned myself had to go toward the house, so… do you get it?”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Zoe Young would always remember Alan Carter at that moment, smiling as he said, and then I went to college, started working. He summed up more than ten years in a single sentence, lightly and casually.

It wasn’t deliberate avoidance. It was truly casual.

Zoe Young knew Alan Carter wasn’t intentionally hiding anything. Maybe he just didn’t want to analyze those complicated feelings. No one’s growth is a crystal staircase. Zoe Young might be able to guess from his smiling, brief account why Alan Carter was so desperate to leave home back then, but in the end, it was just speculation.

Maybe he wasn’t trying to hide anything. He just didn’t remember. He didn’t remember the ambitious and hopeful tone he had in the snowy amusement park, that slightly angry expression—he had already let it go, was free, so there was no need to look back and unravel it all.

Zoe Young no longer needed to ask him whether any classmates knew about his background, whether his father and stepmother ever said hurtful things, whether he ever felt angry or wronged…

The ever-changing coastline, and suddenly the sun had disappeared. The sky was a hazy, ambiguous orange-red and pale purple.

“Tell me, six years from now, when I look back and talk about myself, will I be as brief as you?”

Zoe Young asked seriously.

Alan Carter smiled, “You can already do it now.”

Zoe Young was stunned.

Letting go can be left to time, or to oneself. Everyone always has the ability to free themselves.

Under Alan Carter’s encouraging gaze, Zoe Young cleared her throat and slowly began, “Maybe my mom and dad loved each other when they were young, but before they could get married, for various reasons, my dad married someone else. I don’t know if my mom hated him, but as a child, I did suffer a bit because of my shameful status. Later, life got much better. My mom finally met the right person, and I would have a real father. But just when they were happiest, they had a car accident. But… it was quick, so they probably didn’t have time to feel pain. So if they have memories, they should stop at the happiest moment. As for me, I’m living well. My uncle and aunt treat me very well. One day I’ll go to college, leave home, work, get married, and eventually die, and be reunited with them.”

Alan Carter gently patted Zoe Young’s head, as if giving silent encouragement.

“Zoe, I also once lived for certain external reasons. But look, there’s no end to the other side of the sea. The sun sets here, but somewhere else it’s rising. Your mother will never know you came to Phuket, or that tropical fish swam past you, but that happiness is yours alone, you don’t need to prove it to anyone. Day by day, you always choose to go further, to live happier, more brilliantly—not for anyone else.”

Zoe Young looked at the distant place where the sea met the sky, reached out her hand, and the brilliant sunset was caught between her fingers, as if she could touch it.

“Mm,” she nodded solemnly, “I will.”

On the morning she left Phuket, she woke up very early. On the other bed, Alan Carter was still sound asleep. Zoe Young passed by his bedside, quietly studying his peaceful sleeping face.

Last night, Alan Carter had said, “Zoe, I’m not a god. I’m just six years older than you.”

Zoe Young smiled, “I know.”

She never really understood what Alan Carter was doing, and maybe she never would. He was always far ahead of her, only maintaining a bit of warmth with kind letters and phone calls. She didn’t understand his life, but her world was an open book to him, because she was like his past self.

Zoe Young had always known that Alan Carter was good to her, as if he were traveling through time to comfort his own younger self.

He tried to guide her, help her, so she wouldn’t go through the same cold and extreme youth as he did. He almost succeeded. When she pointed at her mother’s wedding dress and asked him, “Is my mom the most beautiful mom in the world?” he was ready to leave, at most silently saying to himself, “Goodbye, old times.”

Unexpectedly, in the end, she still took another step along his life’s path.

Family broken, all alone, truly and completely.

Zoe Young lowered her head, trembling a little, and placed a kiss on Alan Carter’s forehead.

She wasn’t afraid he would wake up. She knew that even if Alan Carter was awake at that moment, he would pretend to be asleep.

Zoe Young stood on the balcony, gazing at the swimming pool’s blue water. The azure life would always flow into the sea, becoming calm, tolerant, and strong.

She flew home alone.

At the airport security checkpoint, Zoe Young looked back at the quietly standing Alan Carter. That tree would one day take root somewhere she didn’t know.

Alan Carter moved his lips, but Zoe Young shook her head.

“You don’t need to say anything, I understand.” She smiled.

There was too much complexity in Alan Carter’s smile, and Zoe Young didn’t intend to figure it out.

“But, can you let me keep that photo from the temple gate?”

Alan Carter tilted his head and smiled, “I thought you’d say, you have a mirror and can always smile brightly, so you could give the photo to me.”

Zoe Young nodded, “I really can smile brightly at the mirror all the time.”

But, you’re not in the mirror.

After all, you only accompanied me this far.

She didn’t say it out loud. She took the photo, waved at Alan Carter, didn’t say goodbye, and didn’t look at Alan Carter’s expression.

At thirty thousand feet, Zoe Young finally flew back to her own world.

------------

11. Your Qualification, My Exam

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“You don’t have to come once a week.” Michael leaned on the hospital bed, munching on an apple. She had finally stabilized and no longer threw up everything she ate.

The October sky was always bright and clear. Zoe Young’s apple-peeling skills had become more and more refined, and she could finally peel the whole apple in one go without breaking the skin.

“Not bad,” Michael commented, “After practicing like this, you’ll be able to peel an apple in front of the mirror at midnight, and if the peel doesn’t break, you’ll see what your future husband looks like in the mirror.”

Zoe Young rolled her eyes at her.

“I told you, aren’t you all super busy now? Monthly exams, first round of review, and you still come here every week?”

“You’re so annoying. Don’t tell me you’re feeling guilty?” Zoe Young frowned.

Michael noticed that after she came back from her trip, she had changed—she was livelier and happier.

Of course, she was also studying harder. Michael thought, she really is a good kid. By senior year, she knows to work hard.

“I won’t live much longer anyway. Are you coming because you think you won’t have many more chances to see me? You can’t bear to part with me.”

Zoe Young’s apple peel broke with a snap.

“That’s it,” Michael clicked her tongue, “Now you won’t see your husband in the mirror.”

Zoe Young continued peeling from where it broke, “I did it on purpose.”