Actually, she was just being polite, but Zoe Young still blushed, picked up her pen, and wrote “Zoe Young” in a very childish handwriting. These three crooked, awkward characters sat beneath the elegant and flowing “Alan Carter”, making her feel quite defeated.

“Your handwriting is really nice,” Alan Carter said.

Zoe Young had traveled all over with her mother, met many families, said “hello” to all kinds of people, and heard all sorts of compliments and polite words, both sincere and insincere, but no one had ever made politeness seem as genuine as Alan Carter—as if everything he said was true.

“Let’s watch a cartoon,” Alan Carter put away the green manuscript paper on the desk and pressed the remote. Zoe Young stared at the blue screen, watching him insert a videotape into a black machine, skillfully pressing various buttons.

“I went to bed after watching the finale last night. Once I finish the last two episodes, let’s watch ‘Tom and Jerry,’ okay?”

In the cartoon Alan Carter played, there was a dark-skinned, short-haired girl and a fair-skinned boy with glasses. Many years later, Zoe Young would learn that the cartoon was called “Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water,” adapted from “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea,” and produced by Hideaki Anno, who also made EVA (Neon Genesis Evangelion). At the time, Zoe Young didn’t know the plot; she just watched the finale with Alan Carter.

The villainous big BOSS had taken control of the heroine and was threatening the other main characters. The boy with glasses was very brave, but was shot by the villain. The heroine, Nadia, finally regained her senses and decided to use the magical blue gem “Blue Water” she wore to save the boy’s life, but her mother reminded her that if she did, she would never be able to use “Blue Water” to see God again.

Naturally, Nadia didn’t hesitate to give up the chance to see God, saving the boy with tears in her eyes. The end.

Alan Carter rubbed his eyes, seeming a bit bored by the outcome. He ejected the tape, picked up another, and put it into the machine.

“Pretty boring, huh?” He smiled and pushed the fruit plate toward Zoe Young. “Have an apple.” Zoe Young shook her head, “No, thanks… It’s not boring.” Alan Carter had a beautiful smile—he always did—as if the Zoe Young across from him was a little baby. Zoe Young thought of her brother Qiao, who was also twelve or thirteen but always ran off to the arcade with classmates and was endlessly impatient with her. For the first time, she realized how different people could be. “I know these happy-ending stories are boring, but I still want to watch them, and after I do, I feel even more bored.” Zoe Young tilted her head, “The name ‘Blue Water’ sounds really nice.” She didn’t understand why everything she said made him smile. “Yeah, I like the name too.”

So she felt happy, as if she’d been encouraged, and grew a little bolder, continuing, “If it were you, would you give up the chance to see God to save that boy?”

Alan Carter widened his eyes, making her feel embarrassed so she had to lower her head. Of course, she didn’t know that “seeing God” was a rather odd thing to say.

This time, Alan Carter didn’t answer her like he was humoring a child. He thought for a long time—so long that Zoe Young’s neck got sore from looking down.

“No,” he answered.

Zoe Young couldn’t describe her happiness at that moment. Her intuition told her she was being taken seriously, because he’d given a real, imperfect answer.

“What about you?” Zoe Young started to think seriously. Her mind couldn’t weigh the pros and cons like Alan Carter, so she used the most traditional method—closing her eyes, imagining the scene just like in the cartoon, watching the boy with glasses fall in slow motion after the gunshot.

Only this time, the boy’s face became Benny’s face. Zoe Young didn’t feel anything for the boy with glasses, but since he was Nadia’s good friend, she replaced him with Benny—she opened her eyes, looked at Alan Carter who was resting his chin on his hand, and said, “I would.”

He seemed to have guessed her answer already and smiled, “Kind little girl.” She shook her head and explained dryly, “If I loved him, I would. If not, I wouldn’t.” If I loved him.

Alan Carter burst out laughing this time, rubbing her hair hard. Zoe Young was terribly embarrassed, not knowing how naive and funny a six-year-old’s idea of love sounded to Alan Carter. Of course, Zoe Young’s so-called love mostly came from cartoons. To her, all the good friends in cartoons were in love. So, she and Benny were in love too, and sacrificing “Blue Water” for love was only natural. But if the one who died was her brother Qiao, whom she didn’t care much about, she wouldn’t give up the chance to see God.

It was that simple. A child’s utterly simple worldview.

The two of them continued watching “Tom and Jerry.” “Tom and Jerry” was better—you didn’t have to worry about the two little guys dying, or about any life-and-death dilemmas. That world was filled only with bright, happy sunshine.

“What were you thinking about just now with your eyes closed?” At the moment Tom pinned Jerry’s tail, Alan Carter suddenly asked out of nowhere. “I was thinking…” She felt embarrassed, “If I were Nadia.” “So just now downstairs, were you talking to aliens, and that’s why you so righteously said you had to stay on Earth?” Alan Carter suddenly became very interested in her, as if looking at a new toy. He’d guessed it. Zoe Young nodded with great difficulty. Alan Carter leaned back on the sofa, laughing happily. But in Zoe Young’s eyes, even when he laughed like that, he was still elegant—elegant with a touch of boldness. Just then, Mom and the nanny came downstairs together. She picked up Zoe Young’s black wool coat and red scarf from the coat rack, smiled at Alan Carter, and said, “Thank you for looking after her. Zoe, come put on your coat, it’s time to go.” No one heard the faint sigh in Zoe Young’s heart. Alan Carter paused the cartoon and stood up to see her off. Seeing Zoe Young staring at the manuscript paper with their names on it, he smiled, folded the paper twice into a small square, and slipped it into her hand. The security door closed with a “bang,” shutting Alan Carter’s smile far away. Zoe Young took her mother’s hand and stepped into the snow, the world silent under the blue-black sky and endless white. She put her hand in her pocket, the sharp corner of the paper tickling her palm. Mom asked, “Did you like the cartoon?” Zoe Young nodded, “It was great. ‘Blue Water’ was beautiful.” Alan Carter哥哥 was beautiful too, she said in her heart.

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5. Life Elsewhere

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By the time they got home, it was already six o’clock. Mom was sitting at the table making dumplings, and Zoe Young turned on the TV to watch cartoons. “You must be frozen, walking so far today.” “No,” she shook her head. She couldn’t even remember how she’d walked all that way—she wasn’t tired at all. All she could think of were the two rabbits’ big front teeth. Mom didn’t know that her daughter had given up the chance to be queen for her sake, unmoved by the lure of riches and glory. “It’s just not safe around here lately. Otherwise, I wouldn’t drag you all over the place in the middle of winter. Zoe, I’m sorry.” Mom pinched the dumpling edges together with her thumb and forefinger, her eyes a little red again. “There’s no daycare around here. If only you could have gone to the provincial government kindergarten back then.”

Every time the provincial government kindergarten was mentioned, Zoe Young felt embarrassed and guilty. She remembered when the kindergarten was enrolling, Mom took her there. Lots of parents and kids were lined up to see the three teachers in charge of admissions. When it was her turn, a round-faced teacher asked, “Little one, do you have any special skills?”

“Special skills?” “What are you good at?”

Zoe Young calmly thought for a moment. She’d just seen several girls sing and dance. She could sing, but dancing was really not her thing. But those talents seemed too ordinary—she wanted to do something special.

“I know martial arts.” Mom was still stunned when she saw her daughter already squatting in a horse stance, waving her arms, shouting “Hey!” “Ha!” and showing off her moves to the teachers… Naturally, she wasn’t admitted. The legendary heroine Zoe Young thus retired from the martial world, deeply ashamed. Actually, she didn’t know that these so-called “interviews” were just for show. What really mattered was the parents’ background and the gifts they gave. She wasn’t rejected because the teachers didn’t like her martial arts. For this, both Zoe Young and her mother felt guilty for different reasons. But Zoe Young didn’t really feel regret. Even though she sometimes passed by the kindergarten and saw the pretty little slides in the yard and the cute kids sitting at colorful tables racing to see who could eat the fastest and the most, and she did feel a bit envious, as soon as she heard that kids at kindergarten had to take mandatory naps every day at noon, she felt relieved.