Saving her a seat, getting her meals, fetching hot water for her dorm, helping her organize class affairs. These favors were dispensable for Susan Wright, but if she refused to accept them, it would be tantamount to rejecting the social lubrication with her classmates. William Williams had never truly confessed his feelings, but everyone knew where his heart lay. Sometimes, Susan Wright thought this wasn’t so bad; other times, she would ask herself how much longer this could go on. William Williams would have to confess eventually—what should she do then? To be fair, William Williams was really a good guy, but she didn’t want someone who knew her inside out. Wasn’t everything she did aimed at climbing out of the quagmire of the old street? She hoped for a man whose status matched hers—or rather, the status of her prominent family in the French Concession. But could she really achieve that? Could her mask be good enough to never be torn off? Whenever she doubted herself like this, the next moment she would pull herself together and throw herself into her tasks with all her might. After all, staying one step ahead of others was never wrong, at least within the range of what she could see.

Perhaps, as the philosophy textbook said, things progress in a spiral, and there’s no such thing as always being ahead. Susan Wright’s relentless efforts caused her to collapse near the end of her second year. It rained on the day of the school sports meet. She had signed up for the women’s 400-meter relay, and by the time the baton reached her, the rain was so heavy she could barely open her eyes. She was already feeling unwell, but collective honor was a good chance to redeem her image, so she pushed herself and ran first place. After the race, she realized her period had started, and then she came down with a high fever. Lying in her dorm, half-conscious, she recalled the past—how similar this was to the time her sister had a high fever. After a few days with no improvement and worsening cough, a hospital visit revealed it had turned into pneumonia.

By mid-May, she had already been resting at home for two weeks. That day, after finishing her IV drip at the hospital, she slowly rode her bike home, feeling a bit stronger than before—she should be able to return to school soon. Susan Wright rode along the familiar streets. She had grown up here; even with her eyes closed, she could see the old street rising before her like a fortress, every brick, every blade of grass, every cat and dog that seemed to die and come back to life. All her life, the old street had never changed—the same scenery, the same people. Susan Wright hated this unchanging sameness. The outside world was changing so dramatically; in just over a month, even Hong Kong would be returned.

Passing the fruit stand, Uncle Alan said, “Someone’s looking for you.” Susan Wright asked who it was. Uncle Alan smiled and said he didn’t recognize them, then smiled again. Susan Wright had a vague sense of foreboding. She got on her bike and pedaled hard, turned two corners, waded through a narrow alley, and there she saw William Williams.

William Williams was holding a bag of pears, standing under the low eaves of the The Wright Family house. When he saw Susan Wright return, he waved and smiled at her.

Susan Wright braked, her whole back turning cold. She seemed to hear the sound of the world cracking. The veil had been lifted. Yes, William Williams of course knew who she was. From the very beginning, he had always known she was the girl from the old street, the daughter of a taxi driver and a paralytic.

Step by step, Susan Wright pushed her bike toward her own door. She couldn’t stop, couldn’t run away—this was her home, the root she hadn’t yet been able to cut off. Where else could she escape to? William Williams was already here; with nowhere left to hide, she could only face it. When she first met William Williams during military training two years ago, she felt like the sky was falling. Last spring night, when Selena Adams caught her dissecting a rabbit, she also thought it was the end, but she had gotten through both times. What about this time?

William Williams saw Susan Wright walking over slowly, expressionless, and assumed she was just tired from being sick. He had no idea about the turmoil in Susan Wright’s heart. In his eyes, their relationship was already tacitly understood. Susan Wright had been ill for so long; wasn’t it only right for him to visit her?

Susan Wright didn’t speak, and William Williams didn’t know what to say either. He stood there nervously, just as Susan Wright felt a veil had finally been lifted, William Williams was also calculating in his mind whether he could use this visit as a chance to finally break through that veil. Susan Wright’s silence made William Williams even more anxious. He asked, “Are you feeling better? I came to see you.” Susan Wright replied softly. William Williams continued, “Did you just get back from your IV? I just arrived too. It’s my first time in the old street—I had to ask several times to find your place. This place is really like a maze. You’re quite famous here; everyone knows you, everyone likes you.”

Listening to this, Susan Wright felt raw and exposed. The old street was notorious for its chaos; outsiders would never come here unless they had to. She understood that feeling—fear mixed with disgust. This was a muddy, cursed place, and she had grown up right here.

In the end, Susan Wright let William Williams into the house. She should have brought her bike in too, but worried it would be too cramped, she left it outside. She first closed the inner door, poured William Williams a glass of water, invited him to sit at the small table, composed herself, and greeted him with a smile.

“I never came here when I was classmates with your sister. Didn’t expect I’d come now that I’m your classmate.”

William Williams’s first words after sitting down almost made Susan Wright’s smile falter.

“Thank you for coming to see me.”

“It’s nothing, everyone’s really concerned about you. Now that I see you’re much better, I’m relieved.”

“When you say everyone’s concerned, that’s a bit of an exaggeration.” Susan Wright smiled self-deprecatingly.

“It’s true. You pushed yourself so hard to win first place for the class, that’s why you got sick.” William Williams rubbed his nose and added, “But I didn’t tell anyone I was coming to see you. I just couldn’t stop worrying.”

Susan Wright gazed deeply at William Williams. There wasn’t necessarily any particular affection in her look, but it carried a certain force. William Williams couldn’t withstand it; his face immediately turned red. All the things he’d planned to say vanished from his mind, and he stared blankly into Susan Wright’s eyes, his mind a total blank.

He suddenly had the urge to blurt out “I really like you,” but when the words reached his lips, he still couldn’t say them. Being looked at by Susan Wright made his face feel like it was on fire, and he kept cursing himself for being useless.

“Shall we go see a movie? Oh, I mean after you’re better. I heard ‘The Opium War’ is pretty good. Or if you don’t want to see a war film, we can see what else is playing…”

“Okay.”

“When you’re better, I’ll help you review. Exams are coming up.”

“Okay.”

“Summer break is almost here. Do you have any plans? Maybe we can get a few classmates together… go to Suzhou and see the gardens?”

“Sure.”

William Williams mustered his courage and laid out plan after plan. No matter what William Williams suggested, Susan Wright agreed to everything, always saying yes, always looking at him like that. William Williams felt like he was dreaming. Even though he still hadn’t said those words, it seemed like it didn’t matter anymore.

“秀娟, you’re really wonderful,” William Williams said awkwardly.

Susan Wright smiled, then suddenly sighed, her face growing serious. “That’s all for later. What matters most now is reviewing. I’ve missed too many classes, and this year there’s going to be a selection.”

“You’re such a good student, why worry about that? Even if you missed classes, it won’t come to that. You’re just worried you can’t be the best, right?”

At the mention of being the best, Susan Wright’s heart skipped a beat. William Williams knew her too well. But with the final exams coming up, this illness really did make her a bit anxious.

“It’s mainly the subjects I have to memorize, like Marxist philosophy. I’m afraid I won’t have time to memorize it all.”

William Williams thought for a moment, then suddenly smiled. “Don’t worry, we sit close together. When the time comes, you can just copy from me.”

“Will that really work?”

“Leave it to me.”

The two of them chatted for a while longer, until William Williams noticed Susan Wright’s face looking a bit tired and realized it was time to say goodbye and let her rest.

When he turned out of the old street, William Williams felt as if the setting sun was shining brilliantly on him.

4

The big exam had been over for several days, but that scene kept replaying in Susan Wright’s mind.

William Williams had been so eager, but really, how could Susan Wright pin her hopes of passing on someone else? Of course she had reviewed, even if the time was far from enough.

But when the densely written cheat sheet was passed to her, she still couldn’t help but take it.

The teacher’s eyes were just too sharp.

As the teacher walked those few steps over, heaven was falling, hell was rising—what could she do, what choice did she have? Yet, in moments like this, she always managed to make a choice. In such moments, she could only listen to the call of her heart. There, a voice pointed out a path for her. For a moment, she hesitated—should both of them go down, or just one? As the teacher’s footsteps fell again, Susan Wright called out.

All eyes turned toward her, and finally, it was William Williams’s face that slowly turned. That expression, that look in his eyes—Susan Wright could still see it clearly to this day.

Of course, the handwriting on the cheat sheet was William Williams’s, and in the days since, he hadn’t tried to defend himself.

The holidays were about to start. Yes, the results would be announced soon, and at the same time, the selection list would be finalized.

Harold Rogers said something to her, but Susan Wright, lost in thought, didn’t really catch it. It was probably just some words of comfort.