“A few days ago, a new colleague joined the bureau.” Gabriel Adams started, then paused, looking at Fiona Bennett. A brief silence fell between them, while the cat and dog kept making a racket nearby, but for a moment, they both felt an unusual quiet.

“She’s also called Fiona Bennett, exactly the same name as yours.” Gabriel Adams said, “Suddenly I wanted to see how you’ve been lately. I searched online and saw this event you organized. How are you?”

“I’m fine, really.” Fiona Bennett recalled how she used to dislike seeing Gabriel Adams, but after four years apart, all those feelings were gone when they met again. In the hourglass of time, the sand that had already fallen seemed to swirl up, flashing with the light of the past, as if trying to return to the top.

Fiona Bennett greeted her companions, then went with Gabriel Adams to find a nearby café to sit and talk.

“You’ve changed a lot.”

“Are you saying I’ve gained weight? I’ve been eating more and moving less these years. But you haven’t changed at all.”

Fiona Bennett smiled. Haven’t changed? Nearly thirty now—how could she not have changed? Gabriel Adams now spoke politely and naturally, nothing like the awkward youth he once was. No one can remain unchanged under the passage of time. “Isn’t being a detective supposed to be exhausting? How did you gain weight—did you get promoted to a leadership position?” Fiona Bennett joked.

“Ah, I’m not a detective anymore.” Gabriel Adams paused, then smiled wistfully, as if paying tribute to old ideals. “At your wedding, I drank so much I ended up with acute liver damage, so I can’t overexert myself anymore. The leadership decided I wasn’t fit for criminal investigation and transferred me.”

Fiona Bennett felt awkward. She knew Gabriel Adams had been sent to the hospital that time, but hadn’t realized it was so serious. Acute liver damage from drinking isn’t common, but once it happens, it’s irreversible. For someone in their twenties, it’s almost like being half-disabled.

“Ah, I didn’t know it turned out like that, I really…”

“So what kind of work do you do now?”

“Household registration police, at the local police station near home. It’s convenient—I walk to work. Every day I go from one house to another, all old neighbors of decades. Haha. It’s very easy.”

Gabriel Adams’s tone was gentle; his whole demeanor now was mild and friendly, the very picture of a good-natured man—being a household registration officer suited him perfectly. But Fiona Bennett felt a pang in her heart. She couldn’t help but think of the old Gabriel Adams—the one who used to stop cars on the street to scare her, the one who fought in the alleyways, the one who shadowboxed in a police cap by her hospital bed. That was another Gabriel Adams, another person. Because of his liver injury, he could no longer be who he always was. As a child, she thought studying was most important and looked down on “bad kids” like Gabriel Adams, but as she grew older, she no longer thought that way. The key was, why did Gabriel Adams drink so much that day? Fiona Bennett knew the answer all too well.

I’m just a jinx—anyone who gets involved with me ends up badly.

As Fiona Bennett thought this, she forced a smile and awkwardly tried to change the subject, asking, “Are you married?”

The moment she asked, she regretted it. In her heart, she hoped Gabriel Adams would say he was already married, or at least had a steady girlfriend to take care of him.

“No, I’ve been single all along,” Gabriel Adams said.

I’m so stupid, Fiona Bennett thought.

“How about you, have you been well these past few years?” Gabriel Adams helped her change the subject. He was so considerate, nothing like the person she remembered, which made Fiona Bennett feel even worse.

So Fiona Bennett started talking about herself. She talked about her years of charity work—not just helping stray cats and dogs, but also teaching in impoverished mountain areas; about her daily hour-long runs and three weekly gym sessions; about her interest in psychology and her plans to take a course and get a counselor’s license; about her happiness as a full-time housewife.

At first, Gabriel Adams listened with a cheerful smile, but gradually, some subtle gestures made Fiona Bennett sense his discomfort, as if something was making him restless. So Fiona Bennett said she should get going—she was the event organizer, and it wouldn’t do to be away too long. They should keep in touch. Gabriel Adams agreed.

When Fiona Bennett returned from the restroom, Gabriel Adams had already paid the bill. He sat there looking at her, his expression a bit complicated. Fiona Bennett waited for him to leave together and exchange farewells, but Gabriel Adams slowly stood up and hesitantly asked,

“Are you… really okay?”

When they reunited at the rescue center, Gabriel Adams had already asked, “How are you?” He’d just asked again about the past few years, and now he was asking a third time.

Of course I’m fine, didn’t we just talk about all that? Fiona Bennett thought, ready to answer. But suddenly, the words stuck in her throat and wouldn’t come out.

“You have heavy dark circles. Are you really okay?”

“I have some insomnia,” Fiona Bennett said. She started to avoid Gabriel Adams’s gaze, but eventually their eyes met, as if a light shone into her heart—not bright at all, but with a kind of burning pain. “A bit of insomnia,” she murmured again. But why insomnia? How to explain it? Nervous exhaustion? Why would she be exhausted—wasn’t her life so happy now, what was there to be dissatisfied with? Could she even say it?

“You’re bottling something up,” Gabriel Adams said, pointing to her chest. At his gesture, a flood of emotions surged up from deep inside Fiona Bennett. She thought, oh no, oh no, but tears were already streaming down her face. She slowly sat back down in her chair, not even realizing it.

“I had a child,” Fiona Bennett said. “No one knows. Actually, I drank at my wedding. I killed her. This is my retribution.”

She began to talk about the child, began to confess. She had kept this inside for so long, not even Frank Bishop knew she’d drunk at the wedding. And after that, she was never able to get pregnant again.

Gabriel Adams just listened. He knew Fiona Bennett just needed a tree hollow to pour her heart into. When Fiona Bennett finally stopped, the tears on her face had already dried.

“Do you feel better now?” Gabriel Adams asked.

“Thank you,” Fiona Bennett said. “You really are a good person.”

Gabriel Adams gave a wry smile. “You didn’t used to think so, did you?”

“But how did you know I wasn’t happy? Was it that obvious?”

“All those things you mentioned—charity, exercise, psychology. So many ways to regulate your mood, and you throw yourself into every one of them. It’s too much. I was a detective once, after all—I still have some basic instincts left.”

Fiona Bennett was silent for a while, then said, “Actually, these years have been awful for me, not just because of the child. I thought if I quit my job and stayed home, everything would slowly get better, that time would take away the memories, take her away. Do you know why I quit?”

“I heard… there was a medical accident, because you fainted at the sight of blood?”

Fiona Bennett shook her head. “Do you remember when I was a junior in college, I fell into the cadaver pool and was hospitalized, and you came to see me?”

“Of course I remember.”

Another long silence. But at last, she made up her mind.

That shadow was closing in, about to swallow her whole. You have to pay for your mistakes, but the price was just too heavy. The medical accident four years ago was retribution, breaking with her father was retribution, the miscarriage was retribution. Fiona Bennett even had a premonition she would never have children again in this life. Someone who stood by and watched a friend be poisoned to death was not fit to be a mother. Yet, deep down, she still longed for someone to comfort her. Fiona Bennett vaguely knew that the man across from her was probably, aside from her mother, the only person who, after knowing everything, would not judge her.

“I should have told you back then. If I had, maybe things would have been different.”

So Fiona Bennett began to talk about Susan Wright. She opened that valve, and a chill blew out from the black hole in her heart, making her shiver again and again. Her expression made Gabriel Adams worry for her. He took her hand—it was as cold as ice, and he felt he couldn’t warm her. When Fiona Bennett’s hand was wrapped in his, her heart skipped a beat. She knew Gabriel Adams meant nothing else by it; in fact, being held like this made her feel a little steadier inside.

But this really wasn’t appropriate.

Yet to pull away would seem rude, so maybe she could linger a little longer. How long had it been since she’d felt any sense of security, even the tiniest bit? It made her reluctant to let go. Fiona Bennett thought of Frank Bishop, and her face burned. It was because her biggest secret had been revealed to him that she felt this special emotion—it didn’t mean anything else, just a side effect of emotional release, Fiona Bennett told herself, using what little psychology she knew.

Gabriel Adams let go of her hand.

“Leave it to me,” he said.

“Huh?”

“I’ll investigate.”

Fiona Bennett was startled. She had only wanted to confide, but Gabriel Adams… she suddenly realized, this was Gabriel Adams—he was still that person.

“But it’s been so many years.”

“It’s still within the statute of limitations. There’s a chance. At least, the pool of suspects is small. I can definitely catch him. Fiona Bennett, your illness is rooted there. If you don’t deal with it, you’ll never be happy for the rest of your life. You have to pull out that thorn. Give your friend an answer, and give yourself one too.”